Category Archives: life

Queer 26

If you had told me in my first instances of attraction to someone of the same gender that I would be fully comfortable with me orientation by my midtwenties I would have given a very confused look since I was three and I had just discovered David Yost as Billy the blue power ranger.

I should backtrack though; I have an internet friend who’s and artist that I chat/have spats with on a regular basis. The sources of spats being him thinking that I should stay single because God wants me to, and me saying he and the church is full of shit in that aspect, but that’s a blog post for another day. We talk about writing and one day he asked “why are so many of your characters LGBT?” I shrugged and said it just comes natural and that I’m not just throwing it out there to be out there. I don’t think he believes me, and I’m convinced there is a voice in my subconscious that doesn’t believe me either.

My Mundane Bitching

There was an instance shortly after gay marriage became legal where he was at an art show not too far from a gay pride parade and how he felt uncomfortable looking at paintings next to a shirtless man wearing a kilt with pierced nipples. He told me that with the legalization of gay marriage that he hoped the “pride parade fad” would die down. Even though I’m not fond of the gay stereotype it was at that moment I prayed to God that the pride parade would go on forever.

Despite all these happy things I’m not a happy person under the LGBT population; aside from typical life issues there are still things that bother me. Why is there still a LGBT genre on Netflix and Hulu? Why is the  token gay person still usually a stereotype with fancy clothing, feminine voice, and obsessed with musicals (on US television anyways)? Why do all coming out stories that are successful and more sympathetic about lesbians rather than gay men? Why are most gay stories instantly associated with coming out and gayngst? WHy were most of the badass gay characters lesbians? Why do gay shows/movies have to be so damn raunchy? When will I get Will & Grace on Netflix? There is an argument that not all gay shows are raunchy such as Glee and The New Normal. I can accept that, but both shows still have stereotypical gay men as the primary cast. I will give credit to Modern Family about having a gay couple that isn’t stereotypical though. I will also give special mention to Joey Gutierrez from Agents of SHIELD for being a very normal person who happens to be gay.

I can’t speak for shows like Sens8 because I don’t watch it and I’d like to go into the topic of bisexuality, except there are many other blogs out there that will cover the topic.

You’re probably thinking “what are you bitching about? Society has taken huge leaps to be normal with you and you’re still not happy? Why can’t you be happy with the gay characters out there? You’re sounding like GLAAD!” And my reason for bitching is because I’m not the gay stereotype. One of the reasons why I was uncomfortable with my sexuality when I realized what I was was because I couldn’t relate to the gay stereotype I saw on tv from age ten to thirteen. At the time my primary source of entertainment was anime though and although homosexuality was still toned down to “close friendship” ( and in some cases ‘cousins’) in the US adaptions, I realized what those relations were. I couldn’t become fully okay with myself until I met an adult gay male who didn’t have anything stereotypical about him aside from his voice. No flashy clothing, no sassy attitude, no desire to go clubbing, no abs or muscles to look at (not all stereotypes are bad things), just a regular plain adult who happened to be gay.

A Small Snippet of my Teens/YA Life

This adult is my first love and former boyfriend who is still a very dear person to me (I’m not entirely over him). He opened my eyes to more issues and in a sense agreed with what I hoped for in the future where being gay didn’t instantly define what I am and completely change who I am to someone as soon as they found out. First he showed me what Yaoi was, I freaked out significantly because I had presumed that because I was gay there was no way I could have sex and would die a virgin. He also told me there’s such a thing as Gay Day at Disney parks where gay couples and families could go and be normal. I liked the idea, but me being an idealist hoped that one day Gay Day wouldn’t be needed anymore and I could go to a Disney park with my partner on any regular old day.

He also eventually showed me Battlestar Galactica and Caprica that had what I had wanted in US television; gays doing cool stuff without being a stereotype. It did kind of suck that in BSG the gay character became a villain and the gay character on Caprica was a trained mobster assassin who killed in very bloody ways. Prior to being exposed to Battlestar Galactica though and through the exposure to Yaoi I did start reading more manga with more LGBT couples and gay men who weren’t stereotypes. I really liked it! It made me dream of moving to Japan just so I can be seen as a normal person (in a sense).

I was also exposed to the television show Queer as Folk, and although it was interesting, I’m not really one for raunchy stuff on tv.

Writing

When I graduated highschool I wanted to write YA, to this day I only have two completed books. They’re awful and should not be read by anyone because so much of it makes me want to cringe. I am in the process of rewriting said stories though. It wasn’t intentional, but I made two characters that were gay when I was doing a fanfic of Dead Like Me. The story eventually evolved into something completely different and even now as I’m rewriting it it has evolved into it’s own universe. The generally story is a Christian gay boy hoping and praying for his atheist boyfriend to wake up from his coma.

I’m still working on this story and many others, but there’s a multitude of gay and straight characters in them.

To finish this blog I’ll leave a song and the fictional lgbt character I relate to most; Pearl from Steven Universe.

 

Update

Still going to school, getting some graduation stuff done this week to make sure I’m finished with school in December. Haven’t been reading too many non-school related stuff. Things are going as smoothly as they can within my power. Any of you got advice on what to do with a malfunctioning ereader?

Getting Hugged by Your Old Bully

Today was just like every uneventful friday. Well aside from it being the friday before the start of a new school term. I cleaned a little, went to a meeting concerning an upcoming event for a church group I volunteer with, played with my dog, and worked on a painting that I’m giving as a gift.
My parents decided to invite me to IHOP and I decided to tag along. For almost a year now a waitress I know from highschool has been working there. The thing is, she is a very good waitress and is always considerate of the customers and is friendly towards my family in particular.
What exactly is the big deal about this waitress? She bullied me in highschool. It’s that plain and simple.
It was only for one year, I kept to myself and she made it her life’s mission to bother everyone. Unlike most people in my life who picked on me, I didn’t hold a grudge. I don’t know why I didn’t hold a grudge, I think it’s because I had to deal with peers who treated me worse than she ever did. In junior year she came out as a lesbian. I cheered for her for five minutes and moved on with life.
I figured after graduation I’d never see her again. Then again after graduation I also figured I’d be done with higher education in four to five years (HAH!) Then one fateful tuesday (I know it was tuesday because my friend and I love Half Off Tuesday at the movies and that’s the day we went to Ihop) I ran into her. I realized who she was in five minutes.
She didn’t acknowledge who I was until we were done with our meal. When she did she was very polite about it. She mentioned being around Texas a few years until getting bored with being a nomad and asking her mother if she could move back in.
From that point on I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation; do I stop going to the only Ihop in town? Do I find out her work schedule to avoid her? Do I ask for seating outside of her turf? I decided to just let it all go and continue on with my life. She’s been a very good waitress, she’s met my extended family by chance. They don’t know she once picked on me, I’m not telling them because that’s in the past. The cool thing is she once gave me free hot apple cider.