Trey Pearson, Christian rock singer for the band Every Day Sunday recently came out as gay. I haven’t ever listened to the band and probably won’t care to (I think my Jesus freak days are done,) but hearing the news that a member of a successful group was gay just caught my attention.
We’re a minority, lgbt christians, I can’t speak for all the other stories because I didn’t experience them first hand and I have no right to say what others have gone through. I don’t know what Trey Pearson went through growing up, I only have my own experiences.
These are also personal experiences that I have mostly chosen to keep off the internet, but I will post a little blog about it. I won’t talk about my actual upbringing or how my parents reacted concerning it and my religion (shockingly nothing negative though), I won’t talk about any actual religious stuff. If you want a blog post about homosexuality and the Bible you can go google another blog with that topic. My own spiritual experiences are also off limits.
Wait, Gay and Christian?
These are the usual questions that arose when I revealed I was gay and catholic; wait, aren’t you scared you’re going to hell for being gay? Are you ever going to get married? Are you ever going to have sex? Don’t you know you’ll be happier if you just leave the church? My usual answers are no, not sure (as of June 2015 I hope to though), that’s none of your business, and you don’t seem to be thrilled with life either.
In real life I choose to be fairly subtle about my sexuality because 1. I desire to be judged based on the kind of person I am and 2. It’s kind of fun to screw with the heads of people who don’t realize it off the bat. However in the days that I was more religious I chose not to speak of my sexuality too much because I wanted to keep my love life private, a right every person has. It wasn’t out of shame, but because I feel some things in life should be private.
Concerning that period of time and when I think about it it’s pretty obvious who would have stayed my friend had I been open about what I am and who would have been ready to throw stones at me. I keep in contact with the former and prefer not to be in contact with the later.
I also never chose to come out to any religious group because I never wanted to be the token gay, or the face of Christians who happen to be gay. I wanted to be treated as equally as everyone else. The thought of being the face of something terrifies the shit out of me; it means I have to constantly be on good behavior, constantly be the bigger person, and any time I fucked up it looks bad on a whole group of people. It’s a cowardly decision I’m aware, but becoming the face of something would have meant losing something I very much desire to keep private in my life.
As of this current time (2016) my religious beliefs have been moved over to my private life too. Also not out of shame (yes there has been struggle the past few years because life is never easy), but out of the same reason I keep my love life private, because I want it to be private and I have the right to that privacy. Yes there are alot of things I don’t agree with the church about and many people will say I don’t deserve to say I’m catholic based on it. My usual response to that is “k thanks, bye.”
The C and A
The first and sole relationship I’ve ever had was with an atheist. I’m still friends with him, I still love him. I’ve looked up to him since I was sixteen hoping I would grow up to be like him as an adult as someone as confident and comfortable with his sexuality as he was. He is also a very loving individual, very stressed, but very loving.
I chose to keep my relationship with him private because it was long distance and based of that readers should be able to gather enough. There were a few friends I told of it, some of them were shocked that I talked to atheists and were convinced I’d be led away from God. Other said I needed to convert him to the love of God so he wouldn’t go to hell.
When the subject of God came up, they weren’t always pleasant and I was defensive about the situation and said things I really regret now as an older adult. However, from this man that I probably admire a little too much I feel I learned to be a more loving person and gained the ability to love a little more unconditionally (ok maybe not completely unconditionally, there’s alot of idiots in my life).
The reason he’s my sole relationship so far is because a relationship just isn’t on my priority list right now. I also date based off intuition and chemistry and I don’t have much of my type available at this time.
Other lgbtq Christians?
I haven’t met too many, I’ve met a few, they’re nice people, but there’s never a balance I feel comfortable with concerning religious life and sexuality. My gaydar detects who’s gay in a group fairly accurately. I never act on it because in most of those situations the individual has/is in the closet. There is nothing wrong with being in the closet if you are scared/desire not to come out (so long as you don’t bash anyone out of the closet).
I’ve gone to gay christian dating sites, I had a good laugh after thirty minutes of going through profiles and deleted mine. Nothing against those gentlemen, but I can’t see myself with any of them.
Has it Ever Been a Problem? (Just End the Damn Blog Post Already)
I can understand if someone were concerned for my mental health concerning this topic. As I said before I can’t speak for anyone else’s experiences, but I can understand resentment or a dislike of the religion. Even for those who are open about their religion and sexuality there are still some delicate places. For one thing it’s a little hard to date and be abstinent since it’s nearly always a deal breaker from my own experience. No idea why straight couples don’t get shamed as much concerning the topic (unless one of them ends up pregnant…).
I never really did ever think I was going to hell or feared what God would think of me since God is omnipresent. I was raised in a very loving family and I’m grateful for it. Do I feel like I’m getting the short end of alot of sticks? HELL YEAH! But I can be very hopeful for a nice future. To finish things up, here’s a song I could always relate to and always shared without revealing that it’s a christian song (seriously why do we always have to label things these days?)